That was a Realization I had yesterday. Angles, I realized I have been ANGRY WITH MYSELF! I have been doing my daily practice, writing, praying, counseling, all of that and, at the same time within myself and my thoughts I was ANGRY WITH MYSELF!
ANGRY that Spirit would put someone in front of me and then have them pull away, or so it looked. ANGRY that I self sabatoged myself AGAIN! Having ANGERY thoughte that the love I have within isn¨t coming forth. ANGRY at LIFE because EGO wasn¨t receiving what it desired when it desired it! ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY!
And yet Angels I was ANGRY and I did not see or realize it until Sunday how unaware that I AM at times. Unaware of how my behaviour can tigger someone else. Unaware that my words can peirce anothers heart and truly hurt.
I AM moving through a situation now that looking back I wish I could of changed my words or actions a
and even feeling like I¨m unable to. Yet, I know that isn´t true!
Old behaviour and old thinking crept in and I choose to challenge my friends ideas and even himself! I did not even realize that that is what has taken place through out our friendship until he walked away!
The first question I asked is "Heather were you AWARE of how you treated your friend, how you spoke to him, did you honor his requests, did you uplift him and respect him as you desired him to do with you?
And I answered myself honestly, "NO I didn¨t which I didn¨t. It was as if nothing else existed at that time
when I was speaking or treating him except what I desired. Angels that is EGO very clearly and then EGO turned that anger towards God!
Yet in still I have to say Thank You to Spirit. I did not even realize any of this until I did and then other realizations began to come. Such as, my Guides reminding me about self sabotage which for me intentionally putting roadblocks in my way so that I won't succeed which is an old behaviour pattern and also, telling myself an old story which isn¨t true and never was and one in which I don't have too tell myself anymore!